Everyone loves a great wedding speech, whether it be from the Best Man, the father of the bride, or even more commonly from the bride herself and also the father of the groom.

Speech making doesn’t come easy for a great deal of people, and the thought of standing up in front of dozens of wedding guests attempting to make them all enjoy what you have to say, fills some people with dread.

It’s worth remembering that a good speech doesn’t mean you have to become a stand up comedian overnight, the wedding guests don’t want to see someone cracking joke after joke at the expensive of the bride and groom, all you need is a nice blend of humour and sincerity to form a fantastic wedding speech.

Essex Wedding Services already have an entire page dedicated to the best man speeches, with tips and best man one liners – but in this post, we’re looking at funny wedding toasts.

At some point during your speech, often towards the end, you will be expected to make a toast, either to the bride, or the happy couple, or anyone who has made a significant impact on the wedding. Dropping some funny wedding toasts can add a little humour to any speech, they aren’t long winded and will bring a smile to just about every wedding guest who is listening.

Here’s our best selection of funny wedding toasts to help your speech :

Milton Berle – A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

Evan Esar – A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.

Ralph Waldo Emerson – A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.

Mark Twain – After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

Chantal Saperstein – All marriages are mixed marriages.

Mickey Rooney – Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.

John Milton – Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate.

Socrates – By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Henny Youngman – I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, ‘There’s water in the carburettor’. I said, ‘Where’s the car?’ She said, ‘In the lake’.

Rita Rudner – I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Victor Hugo – I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes — and the stars through his soul.

Henny Youngman – I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.

Rita Rudner – I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewellery.

George Burns – I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Charles Caleb Colton – If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim with love of herself; all that runs over will be yours.

Katharine Hepburn – If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

Helen Rowland – In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar — a practice which is still continued.

Benjamin Franklin – Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards.

Cathy Carlyle – Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.

Evelyn Hendrickson – Marriage is like a phone call when you’ve been sleeping. First there’s the ring. And then you wake up.

Celeste Tan – Marrying is all about just obtaining a piece of paper. Divorcing is just obtaining another

Rodney Dangerfield – My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Henny Youngman – My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Phyllis Diller – Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Henry Kissinger – Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

Ann Bancroft – The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.

Honore de Balzac – The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

Henny Youngman – The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Clint Eastwood – There’s only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I’ll get married again.

Ogden Nash – To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.

Unknown – I haven’t spoken to my wife for 2 days — she doesn’t like me to interrupt her.

Unknown – If a man says something in the forest, and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Unknown – If it weren’t for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Unknown – If it weren’t for marriage, men wouldn’t know how wrong they are.

Unknown – Marriage is like eating at a restauant. You order one thing, then you see what someone else has, and you wish you’d ordered that.