Best Man speech by Richard - in his words "short and sweet"
I hope you made the best of that mate it's the last time as a married man that you will get to speak for 3 minutes without being interrupted.
Before we start, those of you that know Pierre well, are aware that he tends to over plan a little bit, therefore I have only been allocated 5 minutes and 12 seconds to deliver this very under-prepared and lame speech.
They say a good speech is like a MINI SKIRT..SHORT enough to be interesting but LONG enough to cover the ESSENTIALS. So here goes.
It's a great honour ladies and gentlemen But in all honestly I'm actually a little bit nervous doing this, but I feel a bit comforted by the fact I've actually already rehearsed this speech in front of a live audience. - yep it was in the local geriatric home - and I think It went well - they all pissed themselves.
From South Africa to the gas works and council flats in one short month, just think what your life has in store for you.
Pierre, you've just married someone who is intelligent, good looking, well-mannered and from what I hear a good cook. Heili, well..you just married that !!!
Heili you look fantastic, a beautiful dress indeed. Is there any truth in the rumour that Pierre wanted to wear the dress today as it was your turn last time ?? We are all fully aware about Pierre's liking for wearing dresses at special occasions.
Finally... Never go to bed in the middle of an argument-be a man stay up and fight You've lost anyway so you might as well get it over with.
Planned one liners in case of disaster : Can you hear me at the back?? Yes??? I'll have a carling then please.
Someone interrupts your speech and heckles you : I suggest you lean against the wall - that's plastered too.
I'm sorry I couldn't here you - I was talking.
I thought alcoholics were meant to be anonymous.
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